Yesterday morning, the only thing the world thought it would be forced to talk about around the proverbial water cooler was Oscar nominations; at worst the conversation would have turned to “what the hell is that Amour movie, and does it have subtitles? Because girl, you know I don’t like to read.” But just as the conversations around what exactly is appropriate awards attire for a nine-year-old (if you see Quvenzhané Wallis, please ask her for me), the first of two shocking announcements out of the music world hit the twittersphere:
1) Justin Timberlake posted a somewhat cryptic video practically dripping in, “I really didn’t want to do music, like seriously I think music is the worst. If I have to make any more music, I will vomit. All over you. And your children.” We get it. You thought you were an actor, but then no one really cared to go see your movies and they weren’t exactly going to offer you a full-time gig on SNL. Listen, we all have to eat, Justin. So just put out this CD you were so resistant to work on, we’ll all buy 20 copies a piece, and you then you can finally afford to pay off the rest of that Italian destination wedding and build on a nursery for the baby we know is eventually coming. Here’s his “I’m Ready” video:
I mean, he practically reenacted the SNL sketch where Kristen Wiig keeps complaining, “don’t make me sing!”
2) In a slightly more enthusiastic announcement, DESTINY’S CHILD IS GETTING BACK TOGETHER. (Cue fan boy explosions throughout West Hollywood.) It’s a lot of work being Beyonce, what with the new baby and being married to JayZ, and then she was asked to perform at the Super Bowl. Also, that ass. It gets tiring hauling that thing around everywhere. So instead of having to prop her tired self up on that Halftime Show stage all alone, Beyonce called up Michelle and Kelly and was like, “y”all wanna do another album?” We can only hope that it’s 2 parts Independent Woman, 3 parts Say My Name, with a splash of Bootylicious. And maybe some of Kelly’s David Guetta days. I could get down to that beat. Street date for the album, Love Songs is January 29th, and will be the official soundtrack of this February’s Black History Month.