At the ass-crack of dawn this morning, the Academy Award Nominees were announced and instantly a whole host of people were snubbed. The talk shows, blogs, and twitter babble can’t stop consoling the likes of Ben Affleck, Kathryn Bigelow and Tom Hooper, all of which were shut out of the Achievement in Directing category – and in the case of Bigelow, we also mourn for the years she had to spend married to James Cameron. But whatever. They’ll all move on. The true crime is that there’s someone who’s even being snubbed from the snubs. FAT. AMY.
Actress Rebel Wilson is potentially the most graceful human being on the whole damned planet, not to mention the voice of
a generation a regional soda brand my inner fat girl. First known for making Mexican Drinking Worm tattoos popular in her starring role in Bridesmaids, Rebel quickly went on to steal my heart in this fall’s Pitch Perfect. In the inspiring role of Fat Amy, she educated millions on such wonders as horizontal running, how to shield yourself from projectile burritos, and the exotic art of Mermaid Dancing:
The fact that she was not just instantly handed an Oscar for her performance is a travesty. You thought Academy Award-winning Sandra Bullock was moving in The Blindside? Correction, your mom thought Academy Award-winning Sandra Bullock was moving in The Blindside? Well she doesn’t hold a candle to Ms. Wilson. When it comes to sage advice and curing the world of bigotry, Sandra ain’t got nothin’ on my girl. Well, unless you’re a ginger. For these reasons (and many more) I am fully confident that while she didn’t get nominated, Fat Amy will surprisingly just win the Oscars. The whole thing. Without taking home a single statuette. I’ll leave you with some of the better lessons Fat Amy has helped us all learn: