Congrats Dr. Momma Yazge, You Gots Yo PhD!

 

Look at Dr. Multi-tasker: feeding one child while the other gnaws on her shoulder.

We Yazges have always loved us some book learnin’. We just pick up some books and we get to learnin’. But the momma of the tribe just decided to throw down the gauntlet and show the rest of us up by getting her PhD. And when I say “just decided,” I mean that she’s been working on the damned thing for the better part of decade. Yes, that’s right, I now have a Dr. Mom. Let the offers for a daytime talk show start rolling it.

If we’re thinking about positioning for this show, I see her somewhere between a Dr. Drew and Barefoot Contessa (whose focus I realize is more culinary and less talk-showy). I say Dr. Drew because he’s the only television doctor I respect, and the ‘tessa because my mom likes cookery and being barefoot. She also is great at talking people through problems and recipes, sometimes both at the same time. There could be really great synergies within some of her episodes, like “How to Cook a Turkey and Your Meth Habit” or “Homemade Candy Canes and Strip Club Addiction.” The connection between the last two items is their mutual use of poles.

While ideally we’re looking for a self-titled show, we are also open to negotiating a panelist spot on The View. Dr. Yazge would prefer to be seated between Whoopi and Joy, provided she receives the right compensation and promotional tie-in package. We would also like to request that her contract include a stipulation that states Hasselbeck has to leave the show. In fact, regardless of Dr. Yazge’s future ventures in the world of daytime TV, we demand that Hasselbeck be banned from ever appearing in front of a camera ever again. She is an embarrassment to women, nay, humans everywhere. Finally, any agreement will also requirement that I, as the oldest of Dr. Yazge’s progeny, have the right to appear on any episode of a show she’s involved in. At will. With only 20 minutes notice. Please and thank you.

In all seriousness. Way to go, mom. Such a rock star.

Ciao Bella!
Matteo Yazge

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