Sea Lion Smarter than Lohan

This photo, as well as most of this story, was stolen from Gawker with pride.

As is fairly obvious from the types of subjects I blog about (celebrity drug habits, Rick Santorum’s lazy eye, and food obsessions), I am a devout reader of Gawker. While perusing the blog yesterday, I found two articles that really stood out to me. The first was about how Lindsay Lohan was finally taken off of parole, a decision that I think is not entirely in the public’s best interest. We all feared for the day when that ill-styled skeletor could finally take off the ankle bracelet and pretend to live like a real person. Though I guess it will help her shoot on location in movies where the casting directors are oblivious and lack sound mental reasoning. Maybe this recent development will allow her to just disappear into the sunset, never to return to whore herself out for fame. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.

The second story was about a sea lion named Panchita. She was injured in some net accident, and while I have no evidence to support this next claim, I would like to place all the blame squarely on Lindsay Lohan, who is the root cause of all evil in the world a known sea lion bigot. Panchita found her way to a hotel, where she was nursed back to health by a seal whisperer… or something. The point is she had a 3 months stay at a hotel while she cleaned herself up. Apparently even sea lions have more dedication to rehab than does Miss Lohan. Anyway, the cutest part of this story is that Panchita now comes back to the hotel every day after a long day out at sea, and now she’s pregnant! I’m just jealous that I don’t have a Panchita of my own to flop around on my pool chairs. I’m also upset that I don’t have pool chairs. Or a pool. My birthday wish list just keeps growing…

But all of this is to say that the world can finally agree that sea mammals are far more important and adorable than Lindsay Lohan. Case closed.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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