Hungry Hungry Hunger Games

Thank you, Perez, for this Draw-Something-ed Photo.

Let the Hunger Games begin! Last night The Hunger Games opened around the country to the largest ticket sales since Romi & Michelle’s High School Reunion. No? That’s not the statistic they’ve been using? Shocking…  In all honesty, you could have made a movie about anything with the three leading actors pictured above, and teens and housewives alike would have emptied their wallets for a chance to see them lube up and wrassle fight to the death. I think that they should take some artistic license with the sequel and forgo the whole Katniss vs The Capital and put them all in a biker bar, a la Sons of Anarchy. I think that’s much more believable for this rough and tumble crowd of characters. Katniss can turn tricks and Peta can be some business man who wants to turn her life around. Wait, that’s Pretty Woman. Problems. Do you think Richard Gere still looks good enough to play a 30-something year old? Maybe we can CGI him younger to be Finnick in the actual HG sequel. See where my stream of consciousness writing gets me? I’ve now casted an 80-year-old as a strapping 24-year-old in a loin cloth. Perhaps I should never apply for a casting director job… Perhaps.

Unfortunately, I will not be going to see Hunger Games until TuesdayA group of us from work thought it’d be a nice bonding experience to watch teenagers kill each other on the big screen. That, and on a Tuesday night, all the actual teenagers will be at home doing their math homework instead of hogging all the prime seating in the theater. Hopefully this also means that I’m allowed to insert my own inappropriate commentary while watching, something I found rather enjoyable while watching the Twilight series in theaters while not 100% sober. This behavior is acceptable as long as I’m still in my 20’s. If I’m 60+ and still knocking back Ouzo and laughing at whatever ridiculous book-to-film teenage obsession is en vogue, then we know I have a problem. At that point please intervene. Or put me out of my misery. I’ll be like Mags from the second book. I’ll just throw myself into the poison mist. It’s cool. Just save the girl on fire or whatever…

May the odds ever be in your favor,

Matteo Yazge


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