An Idiot’s Guide to What to Give Up for Lent

Amen.

Lent is officially upon us. It is all up on us, and if you haven’t given something up yet you’re probably going to burn in hell for all eternity don’t worry, there’s still time! There’s that whole “even at the eleventh hour”. So, you have until 11pm to decide what you’re giving up for lent. That’s what that means, right? Anyway, if you’re still looking for some creative ideas of what to to do for lent this year, find a helpful list below:

  • STOP Voting for the Rick Santorum
    It’s the perfect year to not vote for a crazy person. And while that should technically rule out all the other GOP nominees, we’re not going to fixate on that detail. It’s more crucial that you not vote for Rick Santorum. Despite his moronic insistence that he is the anointed candidate, Baby Jesus wants you to never ever vote for this buffoon. So while you honor Jesus fasting alone in the wilderness for 40 days before starting the ministry that would lead to his eventual crucifixion,let Rick Santorum wander through the metaphorical wilderness alone and voteless until we find a sound bite where he crucifies himself.
  • STOP Shaking Babies
    We’ve all seen the commercial of why you should never shake a baby. So, why don’t you take the next 40 days as your opportunity to really practice not shaking babies? Instead, you can put those shakin’ arms to use as a paint mixer or you could become a tambourine player in a folk band. The babies of the world will thank you.
  • START Tweeting
    If it’s good enough for the Pope, it should be good enough for you too. That’s right, the Pope has officially started tweeting. If you follow him, he’ll send you words of encouragement on your lenten journey. While in theory I think this is a brilliant idea, I can’t help but feel that the execution of this plan is going to be alarmingly sub-par. I mean, do we all have to learn Latin in order to read his tweets? Pie Jesu Dominei, Done Eis Requiem? E pluberus unum? Twitterus et Interwebicus? Holy smokes this is hard… Maybe just stick to Facebook. There are more pictures there.
  • START Reading This Blog
    Really, this is the highest calling you could have for lent.

;

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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