My first Valentine this year is to my mother. Thanks for allowing me to grow up without too much emotional scarring.
It’s Valentine’s again, and just like all the other 23 Valentine’s Days prior to this one, I am single. And ready to mingle. Or potentially just open up a bottle of wine and watch Netflix all evening. Luckily, I’ve learned that Valentine’s Day is not just about lovers. It’s also about things like… um… finding a way to successfully eat an entire pumpkin cheesecake in one sitting? The solution involves an elastic waistband, that much I do know.
But in all seriousness, I’ve had a tradition of making something to give everyone for Valentine’s Day for the past few years. At first it started as celebrating “I Hate Valentine’s Day” Day, on the 15th of February. One year I created a Top 10 List of Reasons To Not Celebrate Valentine’s Day. The Winter Olympics were on that year, so reason number 5 involved practicing your bobsled technique in a bathtub. Another year I made a weird letter with cutout photos that ended up looking more like a ransom note than anything else. I then scanned and emailed it to some of my friends (that I knew wouldn’t be emotionally disturbed). Last year I grew out of my Anti-Valentine’s angst and started making things like this video, which was slightly more obnoxious and 100% more embarrassingly adorable. I half thought about recording me singing that song on the ukulele, or Ingrid Michaelson’s “Everybody”. But I realized on the scale of things people do on Valentine’s Day, that would be more embarrassing than adorable. Just trust that I played both of them to myself, and it swept me off my feet. Also trust that my voice sounds like Michael Buble and never ask any questions that might imply otherwise.
This year, despite being in the city that controls the vast majority of the entertainment industry, I am creatively lacking. The best I could come up with this year was wishing my Aunt a “Happy Aunt Val-entine’s Day”. Her name is Val… get it? It’s not that I didn’t want to do something for y’all; it’s that I’m starved for inspiration. Also, they still haven’t invented a way for me to e-mail baked goods. Imagine the day when I can post a batch of fresh red velvet cupcakes to my blog. That’s what Valentine’s is about. Dreaming the impossible dream. Whether that dream is the electronic translocation of baked deliciousness, or if it’s simply not wanting to die alone. Let’s keep hope alive this year, y’all! Besides, if today is a bust, there’s always the long weekend for President’s Day this weekend. And you know what that means: one more morning to nurse a wicked hangover. That’s true love. HAPPY VALENTINE’S EVERYBODY!
P.S. – As a parting gift, find the attached Valentine’s. I really mean them. They came from the heart… and that someecards website.