I am still in complete and utter shock.
Ladies and gentleman, we have lost a legend. Whitney Houston has passed. All day I was walking around like it was a normal day, like Whitney Houston was out there being alive. And I was wrong. Oh, so wrong. The first step of grieving is shock. I’m still processing all the emotions that come with the passing of a major pop icon. Here are my thoughts in numerical and chronological order:
- Who started a fake Twitter rumor?
The second step in grieving is denial. Usually when things like this happen, i.e. the Bon Jovi death rumor, the celebrity isn’t dead. It’s just people trying to be funny at a celebrity’s expense, and I usually enjoy it. Just yesterday there was a Kim Jong Un assassination rumor. So naturally when I started seeing tweets lamenting Whitney’s death, I thought it was just a hoax…
- Why is CNN spreading Whitney Houston death rumors?
The second step in grieving is anger. This is when I first started believing it was real. If major news outlets were publishing online articles and tweeting about Whitney’s death, then you know it has to be real. After reading roughly 4 articles, and seeing that there were statements from publicists and the like, I finally resigned myself to the fact that I was officially living in a world without Whitney Houston. Also, a world where the supply of crack rock had just become more plentiful.
- It was the crack rock, right?
Indeed. There are pictures of her last night leaving a Grammy party, and she does not look good.
- Where can I buy a shirt, and fast.
The fourth step of grieving is bargaining. Usually this step involves bargaining something you have to get the lost loved one back… I knew there was no way that was going to happen. We’ve all been trying to find a way to haggle her back to sobriety, let alone the mortal realm, for years now. But
Bobby Brownthe grim reaper does not take kindly to most offers. So this bargaining was more of a, how cheap can I get a vintage Whitney Houston shirt on eBay type of bargaining. The woman hasn’t been dead an hour, and there are already memorial shirts.
- Oh, no. The Grammy’s.
The fifth step of grieving is depression. Not only is Whitney dead, but her memorial shirts are expensive. On top of that, I realized that tomorrow’s Grammy’s are going to be fraught with acceptance speeches where Whitney is thanked over and over again. “Without artists like Whitney who paved the way… blah blah blah.” Also the en memorium segment will no doubt be set to “I Will Always Love You” and there will be plenty of tears shed on national television. At this point I decided to go curl into the fetal position in the corner and weep silently.
- I Want to Dance With Somebody
The final step of grieving is acceptance. I have decided that the only thing that I can do now, is celebrate the memory that is Whitney Houston. In full knowledge that ever bar and club in LA will be blasting her music for the next 48 hours, I must go shake what my momma gave me, just the way Whitney would have wanted me to. From the obvious “I Want to Dance With Somebody”, to the recent “Million Dollar Bill”, to the remixes of “How Will I Know,” I have to go do this for Whitney, for life, for love.
Tonight, WE DANCE!!!