GOP Comes Unhinged: the Santorum mess

Over-zealous photo of moron, complements of justcapshunz.com

Well, the apocalypse is most certainly upon us. That, or GOP noms have gotten over their distaste for candidates with last names that are synonymous with gay sexual terms. Or there’s always the possibility that every voter in Minnesota, Missouri, and Colorado caught wind of California overturning Prop 8, and then decided to vote for the most bigoted candidate on the ballot yesterday. It’s just a knee jerk reaction, like when Mitt Romney burns a $100 bill every time he sees a homeless person peddling for change. They just don’t know any better.

But somehow, someway, Rick Santorum swept all three primaries yesterday. Pretty much everyone in the world is pissed. I checked.  The other GOP candidates are obviously upset; anyone with functioning grey matter sees this as a failing of moral reasoning skills on the part of the fine people of Minnesota, Missouri, and Colorado; and pretty much everyone else is upset that this stupid primary is being dragged out any longer than it has to. Can’t the Republicans just pick someone for Obama to beat already?  The only upside to any of this mess is that the candidates finally have to have a “come to Jesus” moment in Arizona in three weeks at the next primary. After talking all that crap about Mexican immigrants, they have to go campaign in front of an electorate that is more than 20% Latino. Good luck with that, you bunch of racially insensitive bastards.

A logical person (or a Television screenwriter) might deduce that at some point there would have to be a turn of heart. The candidates would see that Latinos are people too – people with a lot of really good homemade recipes for things wrapped in corn tortillas. In the middle of some stump speech about rounding up “all them ill-eeegals and truckin’ ’em back to where they came from”, one of the candidates would catch the tear-filled eye of little Consuela, who’s thinking about how her poor abuelita could get deported. It’d be like a Grinch meets Cindy Loo Hoo moment. The GOP’s heart would grow back to it’s normal size, and equality would be back on the table. For about five seconds, and then Romney would throw little Consuela on a bus back to Tiajuana. Because let’s be honest, the GOP is never going to care about anyone but rich white men.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

P.S. – Dan Savage is my hero.

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One response to “GOP Comes Unhinged: the Santorum mess

  1. Pingback: How much is too much? (My friend is much better than me.) « The Short List·

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