Roseanne Barr for President!

ALERT THE PRESSES! Roseanne is running for President! 

 

Yesterday, Ms. Barr announced via Twitter that she would be running for President of the United States on the Green Party ticket. Also tweeted shortly after the announcement was her official campaign slogan: “I’ll fix this shit.” Her platform also includes “outlawing bullshit… making war illegal…. and legalizing hemp.” Just when you thought that Herman Cain was the best thing to happen to the 2012 election, now we have Roseanne causing a stink all over the place. The LA Times is reporting that she’s filed all the official paperwork and is one of four candidates running for the Green Party nomination, and what’s more, in a recent poll 29% of prospective Green Party voters said they would choose Roseanne over the rest of the field. This shit is real, people. Roseanne and her nuts are here to stay.

For all my excitement, I do realize it may be a supremely poor idea to let Roseanne run for the Presidential nomination. Be careful what you wish for, and all. But as the GOP has slowly lost most of it’s insanity (Cain, then Bachmann, then Perry), we need someone who can shake it up and give John Stewart something to talk about every night. And how much money would you pay to watch a debate between Obama, Romney, and Barr? That would be a sparring match that would keep me glued to the TV for hours. Just get some nachos, a case of beer, maybe some noisemakers, and I could throw one hell of a debate party. And once it’s over, we could watch old episodes of Roseanne on Netflix. So really what I’m getting at is that America should just let this happen so I can have an awesome theme party. Everyone will be required to wear ill-fitting flannel and be married to John Goodman. At a time like this, is there anything that our country needs more?

 

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

 

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