ABC has issues with “Bitches” and Killing Grey’s

The man’s hair alone could keep this show running another decade.

As the Golden Globes loom on the weekend horizon, it’s probably important that we as a television-obsessed culture begin to discuss a certain list of shows. Sure, we could talk about the nominees, but isn’t it a lot more fun to talk about the shows that shouldn’t (or even couldn’t) have been nominated this year? Trust me, they’re making news.

First up is Grey’s Anatomy. I’m about 95% sure it didn’t get nominated, but if it did that was certainly a fluke and probably only in recognition of the continued absence of Katherine Heigl from the series. To say she peaked about four years ago would be an understatement. It’s bad enough the posters for that damned movie of hers are plastered all over the seven circles of hell LA. This week the shows executive producer Shonda Rhimes told reporters that Grey’s could last for another decade. An appropriate follow up question might have been, “you mean on Netflix, right?” But no, you simple-minded fool. Just because a show started as a brilliantly written drama about becoming a real adult with a real career and real responsibilities (plus the occasional LVAD wire fiasco) , and then combusts into a hot mess with tired plots and poorly executed musical numbers, doesn’t mean that millions of morons around the country might not still want to watch it. Shonda said she would stick with the show as long as she found “a way to keep it fresh.” Good luck with that one, Shondz. The only thing that could get people to keep tuning into this aging pile is if the doctors had “shirtless Tuesdays” on every episode. Tawdry, but effective. Though on second thought, this plan may not work for the full run of the series, because some of the cast members might be in their mid to early 80’s before the network finally decides to pull the show.

The other ABC show making news this week is the yet-to-be-debuted GCB. This show is set to premier mid-season and is based off the book Good Christian Bitches. It’s a catty soap-style comedy set in Texas, with the main character and head-bitch Amanda moving back to Texas with her children, and you guessed it. All the other bitches she went to high school with aren’t happy she’s back to steal their suburban spotlight. Essentially we’re talking Desperate Housewives meets Rick Perry. I’ve seen the pilot thanks to my friendships and sordid love affairs with many of Hollywood’s elite an afternoon work outing to our media office. The show is solid and Kristin Chenoweth plays an amazing scheming neighbor, a la Bewitched. The only issue is that ABC is having a difficult time working around the name of the show. If you ask me, people should be able to use the word “bitch” on TV whenever they want. Let’s live a little, why don’t we? But apparently the programers over at ABC take issue with the word, so initially changed the show’s title to “Good Christian Belles.” Unfortunately, the word “belle” is far too complementary and a tad more applicable to women from Georgia. You know, like Nene from the Hotlanta Housewives. So now we have “GCB”, so you at home get to choose if these ladies are belles or bitches. In all honesty it’s probably safe to say they land somewhere in between. But the network’s excuse for the acronym is hilarious:

“We all thought it was kind of cool in the era of LOL and FYI … GCB was this term that the women around us all seemed to refer to themselves as. … It just kind of stuck.”

There you have it folks. ABC wants you to run around, LOL-ing, while talking to you BFF (who’s going to have to TTYL, BTW), and when someone asks who you are at a party this weekend, you have to say you’re a GCB. Oh, the 90’s are so much fun nowadays! Wait…

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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