Me (and Bronies): Resolved for 2012

Yes. This is real. Coincidentally, it may also be one of my New Years resolutions.

Not one to be restricted by things like relevance or traditional timing, I’ve just now come up with my resolutions for the new year. As you’ll note from the picture above, it may have something to do with manning up and ponies, but I haven’t entirely figured that out yet. The picture just made me laugh. If you Google image search “bronies”, you will find a whole host of ridiculous fan art similar to this one. When you’re done wasting 20 minutes of your life looking at photoshopped images of ponies composed by fat bearded men, you can read my resolutions below. If you’re smart, you’ll take advantage of them. There’s about to be a lot of free food, sitting on the couch staring at the television, and potential “+1” opportunities for you to latch on to my somewhat sad and confused oh-so-glamorous life.

  1. Cook One (1) New Recipe Every Week
    I like the parentheses . They denote I’m serious about the number of recipes I’m going to try. But if I’m ever going to open up my own restaurant, I’ll need to start trying new recipes so there’s something on the menu. At this point I could open up an odd seafood and dessert shack, where the only three items on the menu are Cheesecake, Crepes, and Crab Cakes. Maybe I’ll call it Restaurant C, and only make items that begin with that letter. My Cookies and Cornbread aren’t that bad, and if I was forced to I could try to make Creamed Cauliflower Soup? Gross. Seriously though, Ice Cream and Ravioli are on my actual list of culinary conquests this year. I’m buying an ice cream maker and a pasta maker at some point with some of the gift cards I got for Christmas, so perhaps I’ll have to open up an Italian bistro. Ice cream makers can do gelato, right?
  2. Try One (1) New Fun “LA Thing” Every Month
    Originally I was going to do this every week, but I realized that perhaps there aren’t fifty-two (52) things in LA that are fun… My initial impression of LA has yet to leave me. Even though I think this place is kind of horrible, that’s not going to stop me from pretending like it isn’t for at least a small portion of one day each month. I’m having problems even coming up with twelve (12) things to do, but I’m sure something besides The Getty or the used bookstore downtown will pop up in another few months. Or not.
  3. Start Watching Jon Stewart
    Now that the election process is officially under way, there’s going to be a lot of quality satire and mocking going on over at Comedy Central at around 11pm every weeknight. And while perhaps Jon Stewart is not the best news source to keep me informed of what’s happening in the world, he is definitely the most palatable. There’s no way I can watch any of the major news networks without getting a serious headache. If I watched FOX News, I’d be a racist by the end of the month, and if I watched MSNBC I could potentially become a lesbian, and I just don’t have what it takes to be a determined Suzee Orman enthusiast on a daily basis. CNN is a little better, but we all know that network is going to milk Wolf Blitzer for all he’s worth this election cycle, making him point at touchscreen computers and color-coded maps until his eyes bleed. I can’t watch that kind of torture. So, Jon Stewart it is.
    ***Editors Note: Taylor Schaffer, ever keeping me up on my various grammatical failings, has pointed out that prior versions of this post spelled Jon Stewart’s name wrong. Thank you. That is all.*** 
  4. Actually Use My Netflix Account
    Ever since I started watching more live television/DVR, my Netflix account has been sorely underused. This could also be because the selection on Netflix has gotten considerably worse since that moron Reed Hastings so emphatically tried to run the whole company into the ground in 2011. But there are still things like 30 Rock and Hot in Cleveland that are available. Who knows, maybe they’ll even get My Little Pony: Magical Friendship or whatever it’s called. You know you want to watch it. If you don’t, read this and this and especially this, and then you probably will. There’s a whole community of grown men living in their mother’s basement watching this stuff. They call themselves Bronies, presumably derived from Bro + Pony, but I think it has a little more to do with the Pot Brownies + Ponies. Anyway, my point is I’m going to start using my useless $8/month Netflix account.
  5. Blog At Least Every Monday-Friday
    So far I’m batting 3 and 2. Great way to get off on the right foot.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge


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