Golden Globe Nominees announced, hope you like silent films

Three cheers for an awards show that will never be the Oscars.

The Golden Globes announced the list of nominees for this year’s awards, and I bet you’ll be surprised to know that the most nominated movie was The Artist. You’re probably surprised because you’ve never even heard of this movie, especially if you’re living somewhere that’s not “hip” for cinema, like anywhere in between New York or LA.The premise of The Artist is recreating silent film. This is probably why you live somewhere that’s not New York or LA, because you really don’t care to see a film this artsy. Yes, I used the “f” word. Film. This is not a movie. It has reached such intellectual and creative levels, that it has been upgraded by the powers that be (SAG, God, and Ryan Seacrest) and is now officially a “film.” When people talk about The Artist, you’re going to hear things like “culturally relevant” or “themes that echo across generations.” This is not that Twlight shit… I’m still trying to hunt down a theater out here to see it, but it will have to wait until the weekend since I’ll fall asleep in a theater if the movie starts any later than 6:30pm.

Other nominees for best picture include The Help, The Descendents, Moneyball, and Hugo. I’ve decided I don’t care about Best Picture, but am more interested in the race for Best Actress in a Drama. This is where Meryl Streep (Iron Lady) and Viola Davis (The Help) will go head to head, which is interesting because I don’t even think that Iron Lady has been released anywhere. Have we decided that Meryl is that good that we don’t even need to wait for her movies to come out before she gets nominated for awards? All the posters for the movie still say “Coming Soon”. I want to know who her publicist is, and then I want him/her/it to rep me. The other exciting thing is that Ryan Gosling is nominated for Best Actor, both for Drama (Ides of March) and Comedy (Crazy, Stupid, Love). Potentially he could be both Best Actors. If that happens, we should give him an award for best abs. Why not make it a hat trick and call it a night?
Side note, I have no idea why everything after the first paragraph is in italics. Maybe it’s the title of my next experimental independent film. It’s about people’s inability to know proper grammar and formatting rules. It’s very culturally relevant.
Ciao Bella!
Matteo Yazge

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