Revenge is a dish best served with leftover stuffing

Oh, sure. You can trust that face… if you want your life ruined.

As I’ve said countless times, the DVR may be the best invention of this century (though the grapefruit spoon is a close second). One of the great aspects of the DVR is that on Thanksgiving, after you’ve eaten way too much food, and you and your aunt are laying comatose on the couch, you can go through 8 episodes in a row of a show that you just haven’t had the time to try yet. Enter Emily VanCamp, that dude who played the gay brother in Gossip Girl, and a whole slew of other vengeful characters. I knew that Revenge would be the perfect thing to watch, not just because we could make puns about the show being a dish best served cold when we decided to go back for leftovers in between our fourth and fifth episode. When we get back from adventuring today, I see the rest of the October/November episodes being played in rapid-fire succession. Just like Emily Thorne’s rapid-fire take down of an entire Hamptons social scene.

If there’s one thing this show has taught me, is that you can produce a successful prime time show that has just as much footage of people half-smiling at each other nastily as it has actual plot developments. These women do nothing but smirk and plot and grimace. It’s lovely. Oh, one also falls from the roof of the penthouse she extorted out of another woman’s husband and lands on a cab. In that scene there’s less grimacing and more cerebral hemorrhaging. But the way the blood slowly oozes out of the side of her mouth is very akin to a smirk, so I’ll count it. All of the plotting, vengeful looks, and life-ruining makes me want to go back and read The Count of Monte Cristo, the reference text for the show’s script. It’s just too bad that the stupid thing is 1,400 pages long. I’ve already decided to settle for watching really pretty people on my television, and pretend that it’s somehow akin to fine-tuning literary acumen. After all, isn’t a picture worth a thousand words? All I need is 1.4 screen captures from the show, and I’ve practically read the book.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge


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