We Occupied San Francisco… and lost.

Currently occupying the back of Tae’s car. What do we want? Tailgate food! When do we want it? NOW!

 

I’ve been casually mentioning the Occupy [insert city] protests for a while now, and I was beginning to feel like an irresponsible journalist. I had no first hand experience occupying anything save a bathroom. I’m not really even that good at occupying my time. So, the guys and I decided to drive up to San Francisco this weekend to go to a 49ers-Giants game occupy the whole damned thing. We occupied the Bay Bridge, a small apartment in Russian Hill, and then the tailgate area outside Candlestick park. Then those jerks over at Occupy Oakland went and showed us up with their willingness to get pepper-sprayed and relocated and all. So, we decided to call it a day and drive back to LA. But here are some of the things we learned on our journey:

  1. Puzzles are awesome. While we were getting ready to go out Saturday night, we had a few whiskey gingers and put together an entire 1000-piece puzzle. Talk about extreme occupying/a wild Saturday night. Maybe those other occupiers would get a lot further if they took some time sippin’ on whiskey and gettin’ their jigsaw on.
  2. Accuracy is optional. As you’ll note in the picture above, I’m not exactly wearing a Giant’s jersey. It is, however, a Manning jersey… Peyton Manning. BUT! It’s blue, and that’s pretty close. Only a handful of people the entire day noticed that it wasn’t an Eli jersey. This can also be applied to the Occupy protests at large. Just start saying a bunch of things to the press and making protest signs that sound like they could be true, and then hope for the best. I’m expecting to see the first “Wall Street Still Wets the Bed” signs by midweek.
  3. Skinny jeans make for the best insults. We got heckled a lot for being Giants fans. A lot. As in, every time we walked anywhere or did anything, or even existed in time and space. Most people would just chant “49ers” or “Giants suck!” which only proves that 49ers fans are not the most creative or eloquent species on the planet. In spite of this generally uninspiring heckling, there were two separate occasions where my legitimacy as a football fan was called into question due to my jeans. Yes. Skinny jeans have now become the bane of the football fan’s existence. Apparently “put on some real jeans and find a better team” and “hey, skinny jeans, go back to Jersey” are some of the leading ways to insult people. Sorry for your luck Occupy Wall Street-ers, but your pants are officially on warning. Sucks, because most of you are skinny-jean wearing hipsters anyway. Don’t worry, so am I… kinda.

 

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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