Oh, the Zumanity: Cirque du Sex

Cirque just got a little scandalous…

In case you’ve wondering where I’ve been for the past three days (you don’t), I was gallivanting around Vegas, winning millions of dollars (I  wasn’t). Well, I was out in Vegas, but I didn’t come home with millions. It was more like whole tens of dollars. Though to be fair, I was lighting up that craps table like I didn’t even know the number 7. Turning $20 into $100 is quite the feat; it’s a 500% return. But enough about me and my insanely wealthy, 1% gambling ways. What I really need to talk to you about is Zumanity, the Cirque du Soleil show at the New York, New York hotel.

On Saturday night, I had to figure out something to do while my friend Lindsay was at the Eagles Concert. As much as I love Hotel Caliornia”, I’m not a huge Eagles fan, per se.  So I asked the lady at the hotel’s ticket office what Cirque shows were under $100 (that craps money had to go somewhere). Zumanity had a special, where lower Orchestra seats were priced at balcony prices, so I said “sure!” and went off on my merry little way, not having any idea what the show was about. So I get to will-call that night, and I start seeing posters with people’s gentle bits censored out. The captions read “the sensual side of Cirque.” I have no idea how the box office woman knew me so well, but this show was definitely my speed. As you can see from the video above, it’s definitely not G-rated. It was, however, incredibly tasteful. I genuinely felt like I was at the Moulin Rouge, a crazy circus burlesque. I have been inspired to get back into shape by the almost completely naked and incredibly ripped bodies that were spinning and flipping and contorting on stage. Do you think they have adult cirque/gymnastics classes?

But the best part was that it was HILARIOUS. They had several “clowns” – not dressed as clowns, but there for comedic relief. The one lady-clown did a whole bit about making your own fake breasts out of ziploc baggies and whiskey. Fill the baggies up with whiskey, duct tape them to your chest, insert straw and you’re good to go for a night on the town! She was very clear to note that you have to drink out of each breast evenly, otherwise your chest gets lopsided… Note taken.

So, next time I go back to Vegas, I would love more company. Just make sure you bring lots of money for me to gamble at the craps table. I’ll bring the ziploc baggies and whiskey, and the whole lot of us will have a SMASHING time!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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