Kelly Clarkson gets Stronger

That didn’t kill me, so I guess I’m stronger?

Our beloved Kelly Clarkson just released her 5th album, Stronger, this week to the delight of the inner 14-year-old girl inside all of us. As should be expected, the vast majority of her songs are full of angst, or an attempt to get over one’s angst, and entirely lose their appeal if you are an emotionally well-balance adult or in a fulfilling relationship. For instance, I absolutely love the song I posted above, What Doesn’t Kill You. The problem is that I feel 100% fine right now. There is no adversity, or hardship, or debaucherous tramp in my life that requires a rock anthem to get through it all. To be sure, as soon as I find any of those things, I’ll turn on some Kelly Clarkson and cry it out. But right now my family, friends, and jam-packed DVR are technically aren’t killing me (that I know of), so they’ll just have to be the things that make me strong.

As for the other songs on the album, they’re overall pretty solid and easily identifiable as Kelly jams. In addition to What Doesn’t Kill You, I recommend I Forgive You, Hello, You Can’t Win, and Alone. Some of them get a little cheesy, but did we honestly expect anything else? It’s one of the many reasons we love Kelly songs. There’s one that I do have to call her out on though, a little ditty called Einstein. Now, I know my calculus: “U+ME=US.” But Kelly gives us an even more thorough lesson in musical math. Let’s just look at the following lyrics, shall we?

Simple Math. Our love divided by the square root of pride. Multiply your lies plus time…. I may not be Einstein, but I know DUMB + DUMB = YOU.

Super, Kelly. Super. Though I have a feeling his response would be, “Yeah? Well, you’re super dumb times infinity plus one!! SO THERE!!!” Bet you didn’t think of that one, did ya? I’d also like to point out that there’s nothing simple about the story problem you illustrated for us. I mean, it’d be a great philosophical conversation to figure out what entity multiplied by itself gives you pride, but I don’t think most of your listeners are down for that much mental exertion. Stick with the other lyrical gems I found on this album, like “I chose the high road and you chose to be a girl.” That’s the type of emotional maturity we have come to expect from a Kelly album. I’m also hoping that there’s a secret message in that song to some dude you dated that decided to dump you and get a sex change, because THAT would sell more than albums. You could get a book deal, and maybe even a spot on Dancing With the Stars out a life experience like that.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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