Jersey Housewives and Pumpkin Beer


Ms. Caroline is not amused… she needs a beer.

With each passing season, the Real Housewives of New Jersey get closer and closer to needing to be institutionalized. We all thought that the excitement was finally over when Danielle didn’t return for season 3, but boy were we sorely mistaken. Last night, the second half of an insane reunion special on Bravo proved that. Danielle never actually left the show, she’s just now sharing a body with Teresa Guidice. I’m pretty sure that’s why her forehead looked extra small on the show, because whatever normal space she had left above her eyebrows is now being filled with the disembodied spirit of Danielle Staub. I need no other proof than their mutual difficulty with the English language. There were multiple occasions where I wasn’t entirely sure what Teresa was trying to say. I don’t think even she knew what she was trying to say, except that she just enjoys the sound of her own Jersey-drenched voice. There were lots of “yous” and at one point Andy Cohen had to calm her down and explain the difference between a verb, an adjective, and a participle, which I’m sure went right over her head. She kept trying to insist that she was “inconvenient”, to which Andy kept trying to tell her that no, she was “inconvenienced.” Though, sure, she’s probably inconvenient too.Luckily for me, I had gone to Von’s earlier in the day to pick up some Blue Moon pumpkin spice beer. I like to live my life in contradictions, i.e. watching a Housewives reunion whilst drinking beer. As I was checking out, the guy bagging my groceries asked if I’d ever had a pumpkin beer ice cream float. Instead of responding, I instantly began salivating and put “pumpkin beer float” on my To-Do list. So as if I needed any other treat than watching four Jersey wives go at each other on national television, I had one of the best beer desserts I’ve ever tasted. And it’s kind of like the cast of the Housewives. The pumpkin coloring could be for Caroline’s hair; or the vanilla ice cream, because didn’t she get accused of being 1/16 Italian? Whatever, just as long as Jaclyn is the calories, because just like Jaclyn, the calories didn’t show up for the reunion… Regardless, there’s no better way to spend a Sunday night.
Ciao Bella!Matteo Yazge

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