IKEA’s Månland

I thought IKEA was Månland?

IKEA, those infamous allen-wrenching Swedes, have invented what may be the most ingenious concept since the meatball: Månland, a place to drop off husbands and boyfriends while the ladies go off and shop the massive warehouse for things with creepy Scandinavian names. Personally, I don’t need any extra motivation to get to IKEA. The real problem is keeping me away so I don’t spend any more money. Now that they have a Foosball table, video games, and complementary food service, there’s not going to be any keeping me away. If only this were a permanent installation in the store, I think you might have whole hoards of men coming in on Friday nights to pre-party with some table tennis, meatballs, and Hoegaarden. We could call them “Viking Parties” or something and wear those cool metal helmets with the horns. Plus, the IKEA here in Burbank is close enough to the 101 that you could easily take the party on the road to any of the major night club neighborhoods. IKEA, feel free to e-mail me about spearheading this awesome event-marketing initiative. You can thank me later.

The one thing that doesn’t quite add up about this whole Månland business though, is that even though the men may now be happy they don’t have to wander around that God-forsakenly huge warehouse, their women are running around said warehouse unattended. Who is going to be there to say “Honey, do we really need another crazy 60’s deco lamp?” or “Don’t you think the clock in the shape of a fork might be over-doing it?” And there’s no telling the credit card damage that could be done without the male-veto present. All those poor schmucks living it up eating meatballs and playing Xbox aren’t going to know the mistake they’ve made until the bills come a month later. I knew the Swedes always had a more matriarchal culture, but I didn’t know they were intent on exporting it. Tricky ladies, tricky. It’s a good thing each girlfriend/wife is given a buzzer (just like the ones at TGI Friday’s) to let her know when her husband is ready for pick-up, otherwise they might leave their men at IKEA forever.  If IKEA really wanted to help, maybe they’d have a “rent a husband” service to help assemble all the furniture so the real husbands/boyfriends could keep playing Foosball. Just a suggestion…

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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