Sara Baralleis, Mexican Drug Lord

This may or may not be a recreation of a true incident in my life.

New rule: whenever I am in a funky mood, I should be able to walk into a latin grocery store and dance with a troupe of happy hispanic background dancers. At least two of them should be uncoordinated and tubby, because this will make them more adorable. Extra points if they’re over 50 and the jacket is too small, but they’ve decided to try and wear it anyway. The grocery store should also be like one huge piñata, in that when I walk down the aisles, they should explode with confetti. All too often I try all of these things, but it ends up being what happens at the end of the video, where I’m asked to leave for scaring the customers. I think it’d be really cute if somehow Sara Bareilles and Michael Bublé did a music video together in a grocery store, now that they’ve both made their own videos in the produce aisle.

What I really love about Sara Bareilles is that you can tell she really enjoys what she’s doing. This week she started as a judge on NBC’s The Sing-Off. I’m going to ignore the fact that she pulled a total JLo and launched a music video and iTunes e-mail blast putting her album on sale the day after she appeared on national television in front of millions of people. I will not be deceived. I know how this works. But Nicole Scherzinger is guilty of a far more egregious use of the JLo method, as she launched a brand new CD roughly a month before judging on The X-Factor. I also judge her because she reminds me of Kim Kardashian, an offense that’s unforgivable in my book. But back to Sara. I’ve been listening to her album Kaleidescope Heart for a whole year now, and it’s been a staple in my iPod ever since I downloaded it. So maybe I’m biased, but I’m definitely team Sara when it comes to new reality show judges. Not only that, I trust her as a musician to actually know what the hell she’s talking about. JLo can teach you how to get a bigger ass, Scherzinger can do a whole episode on hair extensions, but Sara is straight up talking about chromatic scales, arrangements, blending, the whole shebang. She also kept saying things that could be misconstrued sexually, and that always gets bonus points with me. I’m just praying that at some point during the season of The Sing-Off she’ll do a performance of “Gonna Get Over You”, complete with dancing Mexicans. I would die.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo Yazge

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