I know, Jason. I know. I’m just as confused as you are.
Last night, despite being incredibly tired from a weekend full of partying, I was determined to stay up for the True Blood Season finale. I’m still trying to decide if that was a good decision. Let’s start off with the most obnoxious part of the entire episode: Sookie realizes she’s not really fairy, but the Bachelorette. After she goes through the trouble to save both Eric and Bill from being burnt at the stake by crazy Aunt Petunia/Lafayette, she decides that she’ll dump both of them and look really ugly crying. More annoying than the fact that a girl that unattractive would turn down two eligible vampires (and that Alexander Skarsgard was one of them) was the way she decides to dump both of them. It was literally like she was holding one rose in her hand and was trying to manipulate the commercial breaks to build everyone’s anxiety. “Bill, I forgive you for everything. I love you. We’re perfect for each other. But also, I suffer from low brain-wave activity, and I don’t want to be with you. Eric, I love you. I’ve always loved you. Every part of you. That’s why I have to go home and be single now.” I don’t know… I may have taken some liberties with the quotes there. But you get the idea.
So when Sookie gets home, that crazy werewolf girl comes running in with a shotgun. FINALLY. Someone has some sense about who should be killed off the show. We’ve already lost Jesus (now it really is a God-less show), Marney, shifter brother, ugly-hair werewolf leader, old vampire league bitch, countless henchmen and extras… So just when we think we’ll finally be rid of the biggest drag on the show (Sookie), she finally grows some lady-balls and blows the were-girl’s head off. Now, that’s not before Tara gets half a barrel of buck-shot in the back of her head. The episode ends with Sookie, putting in another few minutes of ugly crying on her floor, screaming for someone to help Tara before she’s the 3rd person to die in her kitchen.
Our only hope is that next season will be a little
more logical less ugly. Jessica and Jason have finally gotten together(ish), so we now have two of the most attractive people on the show to fill next year’s allotted 30 minutes of gratuitous sex scenes for each season. Also, we’re to assume that Russell Edgington is back from the (un)dead. He was always a few crayons short of a box; so, the insanity factor is guaranteed to go through the roof. Add the evangelical preacher turned vampire that shows up on Jason’s porch into that equation, and we might just have a season 5 in the mix that may not turn out half bad. But let’s just all agree on one thing: if Sookie isn’t going to get shot in the head, let’s at least limit her ugly crying to like 30 seconds an episode, OK? We’ll all enjoy the show immensely more.