Braxton Family Values

I see you Toni, rocking that JLo wig…

Why am I just now discovering the treasure trove that is the Braxton family??? Back in the good old days, we only knew Toni with her 90’s mom jeans, leather jacket, and soulful stylings that un-broke our hearts over and over again. But that girl was seriously holding out on us. Little did we know, the rest of the Braxton crew was waiting in the wings to seriously win over America’s hearts. I mean, there are four other sisters. That’s four times as much extra Braxton that we’ve been missing out on for almost two whole decades. That’s like a total of 80 years of Braxton. It’s really not fair. That is until WEtv decided to bring us what might be the most amazing reality show on television: Braxton Family Values.

The other sisters – Traci, Tamar, Towanda, and Trina – are really the highlight of the show. Toni is too busy trying to legitimately relaunch her career or buying half the houses in LA (which is tricky when you have stipulations from a previous bankruptcy on what you’re allowed to buy) to be entertaining. The only funny thing about her storyline is that she has decided to lower her overhead by hiring everyone in her family as opposed to actually paying people to be on her staff. Towanda is her assistant, and from the looks of things is being paid in nights that she’s allowed to crash at Toni’s house. Tamar’s husband is Toni’s manager, and I guess he gets to sleep in the recording studio? I don’t know. What I’m getting at here is that Toni is cutting corners so she can buy half the real estate in Los Angeles. Fingers crossed, I’m hoping to befriend her when I get there and weasel my way onto the show. I’ll be her assistant if I get to live in that huge-ass house she just signed the lease on.

While I can’t commit to one favorite Braxton, I can say that Tamar would be in the running. She has the habit of saying things in URL form. Example: that is (pronounced, the bomb (dot) com). Here’s a video explaining what I’m talking about:

I’d love to talk some more about my love for the Braxton sisters, but I have to finish packing or I may never make it to LA. I’m going to, that way I’m not a


Mateo Suave

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