Now I know why I managed to shed so much weight when I came to New York: there is far less support for the frequent consumption of grilled cheese sandwiches. In the few days that I’ve been back in the Hoosier state, I have eaten more cheese and simple carbs than my brain or digestive system can handle. Seriously, all I’ve eaten are an excessive amount of grilled cheesuses, cheese fries, milkshakes, and beer. There was one sandwich that involved vegetables, but I’m pretty sure that was a glitch. It also could have been a delayed Christmas miracle granted me by the sheer mass of grilled cheesus in my system.
My friend Lindsay is also to blame. I’ve never seen a person more picky about what she eats – namely, only chicken, grilled cheesus (obviously), and M&M’s. As I’ve been staying at her house, my diet has been equally as limited. It’s gotten to the point that, due to all the grilled cheese eating away at my brain/resolve for my vegetarian vows, I started (and finished) eating the entire stick of soprasetta salami that I brought her, which also means that in the past 24 hours I’ve been popping enzymes and pro-biotic pills like they’re tic-tacs. So far in the 2011 race for standards, I think Ke$ha and I are tied, as we both still bare an overwhelming resemblance to Roseanne Barr.